So as some of you know, yesterday I took some time to leave a few comments and messages to my friends on myspace. I was thinking about that today reading some of your replies and it still amazes me how much a simple "hello!" or "how ya doing?" can really brighten someone's day, let alone give some small satisfaction in someone's life. It reminds me of that scene in Billy Madison when Adam Sandler calls up Steve Buscemi to apologize for the way he treated him in high school - you probably know the scene ends with Steve crossing Adam's name off his "people I'm going to kill" list - and all that just because of a simple call and apology! I'm happy to hear that the majority of you are doing very well for yourselves and that you are doing so much with your lives - but more importantly, that you are doing what you enjoy.
I say all that and still a large part of me feels secure in my solitude and sheltered in my seclusion. Let's face it, I think a lot, and the tranquility granted by my successful attempts at not "going out" or "hanging out" has allowed me the time to try and work things out within myself and for myself...and yet, I cherish and reminisce of easier and happier times spent in the company of friends and loved ones and most importantly, A loved one - sometimes I long for that so much it hurts, but in the few years since this relative lack of companionship, I've come to terms with all that and think of the happier times instead of dwelling on the sadder ones - it's a start in the right direction.
I had a chat with a friend the other night and jokingly said that sometimes I think I'm bi-polar...sometimes I'm so happy and am so glad for all the gifts and blessings I've recieved, and sometimes I'm so frustrated and perturbed by all the misfortunes and "trials" I've had to endure and even continue to endure. In a way, it does make sense...but why is it? Why is it I feel this way and suddenly that way? Why is it that I love and enjoy art, photography, music and literature and yet pursue a career in computers, science, and business just because of the sake that I'm good at it? Why can I waste an entire day staring at photography - mesmerized by the beauty of captured memories and captivated by the miracle that occured to allow such a moment to be emblazoned in print - and spend countless hours struggling to find an logic algorithm no matter how frustrating it gets?
Speaking of photography, as I delve deeper into this field and experience it first hand, I often find myself thinking that photography, and art in general, is the culmination and gathering of such myterious and mystic forces and elements. While some photographers can turn typical moments into momentous ones, often times being at the right place and the right time is all you really need - it's really incredible.
But yeah, back to being bi-polar ^_^ A quote from Dead Poet's Society comes to mind for me: "One reads poetry because he is a member of the human race and the human race is filled with passion! Medicine, Law, Banking-these are necessary to sustain life-but poetry, romance, love, beauty! These are what we stay alive for." - Jon Keating, Dead Poet's Society. I think I became of two minds after I watched that movie oh so long ago - and I agreed with it. I was content with doing what needed to be done, but I wanted to live for so much more than that. Let's just hope passion fills me more often than not, because such passion, I don't believe, can be sustained indefinitely.
I've met many intriquing, interesting, and unique individuals these past few weeks, and if luck is on my side, perhaps I'll have the pleasure of getting to know them just a bit better - what else can I say but I'm glad I'm still around, most of the time, and I'm glad I can share this space with you
