*a repost of an old blog because, for some reason, i always find random people i don't know captivating*
i often wonder to myself how this world ever came to be. the simplicity, the complexity, the black and white mixed with every shade of gray...it boggles my mind how hopeful and beautiful it can be one moment, and how bleak and ugly it can be the next.
i guess that's the way of things. everything needs balance, everything needs another force to contradict it, to challenge it, to justify it. i mean...what is good without evil. what is honesty without deceit. what is love without hate.
i guess i'm thinking of these things because whenever i see the glass half empty, something always reminds me that "no...it's half full". i meet people every day, hear and see the way they project themselves, the way they wish to be seen, and a lot of times it makes me wonder why people try so hard to be who they aren't. but who am i to decide whether they are deceiving themselves and others, or if they are truly themselves or at least are some part of themselves? i look within myself, look at how varied and bi-polar i can be at times, and it makes me realize...i don't know...there in lies the opportunity - the opportunity to put aside the pre-judgment and take the time to find out. with experience, with time, with taken opportunities, i have found the beauty hidden underneath the ugliness in everyone, fear and hate, strength and love, the same thoughts and feelings i myself have thought and felt a hundred thousand times before.
i think that is why i love reading blogs. it gives me the opportunity to learn about someone, to put myself in their shoes and imagine how they felt and are feeling without the prejudice of assuming i know beforehand what that is. i think people blog about their daily lives...so they don't have to cage away their thoughts and so they can put it out there because perhaps...just maybe, someone else out there knows how they feel and has felt what they're feeling. not for any sort of confirmation, advice, or sympathy, but just a silent cry to the stars with the knowledge that somewhere out there exists a person who knows what i'm feeling and may be feeling it right now, at this exact moment with me.
my favorite tv show has always been "the wonder years" and more recently "how i met your mother" - they materialize a desire i've always had my entire life; to be able to put into words, into speech, how i felt in the most precious moments of my life - to be able to explain how i felt, how i thought someone else felt, and dictate my memories so that others who might inquire or care would know my true thoughts. it's as if i am having a conversation with this person whose touching, viewing, feeling my life, holding their hand, smiling at them, letting their head rest against mine, letting their hand rest upon my heart, and all the feeling and thoughts so subtly hiding underneath the surface of my being suffuses their heart and their mind so they may feel what i felt, think what i thought and know the truth of that moment, my moment, forever now our moment...
i pray i can take the opportunities presented to me to find friendship where there was only intrigue, and if i'm luckily than i imagine myself to be, perhaps find love where there was only friendship.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Paths
This past weekend I made it out to my 10 year high school reunion...That's right, a whole 10 years have already gone by. It was great to see familiar faces, catch up on what everyone has been up to - with their careers, their family, their lives in general. Getting a chance to see everyone and converse with them made me realize a lot of things, about life and about me.
First and foremost, I've grown a whole lot in these past 10 years. The person I am is not the person I was, but I'm happy to say a large part of that "old me" still exists to this day, and looking back I'm lucky that I was able to hold on to that identity and expand upon it. The rest of it, the "new me", is not only lucky because I happened to develop heart failure months after graduation and obtained a heart transplant about a year afterward, but also lucky because it allowed me to experience a lot of the ups and downs that we only read about and see on tv. I was arrogant and expectant, the world sitting on a pedestal for the taking, and I poised to take it, only to be reduced in my adolescent eyes and humbled now in my adult ones.
It's been almost 9 years since then, and one of the most important things I've learned is that you can never really know a person until you take the opportunity to. What is on the surface is rarely what's inside, and it's short-sighted to assume so and closed-minded to pretend to know. I hope I have renewed some friendships and have and take the opportunity to keep them for a long time to come.
The most important thing I learned is that I realized we all walk different paths. The path I thought I was meant to walk diverted onto a different one, one I realized was the right path only after I was forced onto it. Going to college for 4 years, grad school for 2, finding a job, starting my career and getting married at 26, having 2-3 kids by 30 exactly in that order wasn't the path for me, and isn't the right path for everyone. Seeing everyone again, thinking of those of us that were not able to attend, and listening and learning about our lives, it's important to remember that whatever path we are on or have traveled, that we take and learn from our experiences. We take one step at a time, toward our own goals and dreams, and sometimes have to sidestep out of harm's way.
I hope in the *next* 10 years, we all choose the right path for ourselves, don't berate ourselves too much for sometimes choosing the wrong one, and choose to grow and learn from all of it, good or bad, right or wrong, because at the end of the day, if you are happy with where you are, you only got there because of the path you chose, including the few times you had to backtrack. I hope our paths will cross again in the future...Find Your Happiness.
First and foremost, I've grown a whole lot in these past 10 years. The person I am is not the person I was, but I'm happy to say a large part of that "old me" still exists to this day, and looking back I'm lucky that I was able to hold on to that identity and expand upon it. The rest of it, the "new me", is not only lucky because I happened to develop heart failure months after graduation and obtained a heart transplant about a year afterward, but also lucky because it allowed me to experience a lot of the ups and downs that we only read about and see on tv. I was arrogant and expectant, the world sitting on a pedestal for the taking, and I poised to take it, only to be reduced in my adolescent eyes and humbled now in my adult ones.
It's been almost 9 years since then, and one of the most important things I've learned is that you can never really know a person until you take the opportunity to. What is on the surface is rarely what's inside, and it's short-sighted to assume so and closed-minded to pretend to know. I hope I have renewed some friendships and have and take the opportunity to keep them for a long time to come.
The most important thing I learned is that I realized we all walk different paths. The path I thought I was meant to walk diverted onto a different one, one I realized was the right path only after I was forced onto it. Going to college for 4 years, grad school for 2, finding a job, starting my career and getting married at 26, having 2-3 kids by 30 exactly in that order wasn't the path for me, and isn't the right path for everyone. Seeing everyone again, thinking of those of us that were not able to attend, and listening and learning about our lives, it's important to remember that whatever path we are on or have traveled, that we take and learn from our experiences. We take one step at a time, toward our own goals and dreams, and sometimes have to sidestep out of harm's way.
I hope in the *next* 10 years, we all choose the right path for ourselves, don't berate ourselves too much for sometimes choosing the wrong one, and choose to grow and learn from all of it, good or bad, right or wrong, because at the end of the day, if you are happy with where you are, you only got there because of the path you chose, including the few times you had to backtrack. I hope our paths will cross again in the future...Find Your Happiness.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Opportunities
The other day I was at work installing a wireless network at a residence in Duncanville, directly across from their high school. As I was leaving, I heard the marching band in the background, playing scales, either warming up or getting ready to leave I'm not sure. It reminded me of my own time in marching band in high school, and everything that being in band allowed me to experience and see.
When I think back, I got a chance to go to Disney World when I was 14 because I was in band. I went to every football game, got a chance to meet new people, see new places, compete against my peers across my district, area, and sometimes state. Through out high school, I traveled to Washington, D.C, Houston, San Antonio, all around the Metroplex and beyond it because I was involved in extracurricular activities and academic competitions.
What really got me thinking back was the fact that when I was in high school, I was given the opportunity to do all these things - and I took them. It made me realize that when we are younger, going through grade school and even somewhat in college, opportunities are being thrown at us left and right, we just had to take them. I miss it - being given opportunities as if we all deserved them, and yet still refusing to take them, lol.
Flash forward to the present, and I find that opportunities are very far and few in-between. No one takes a second glance at you and just offers you a job, or a home, or free schooling, or more importantly, offers to be an acquaintance, a friend, or even a significant other - you have to make every effort to find these opportunities that exist, and I do believe they exist, but you have to find them and take them because they are never given.
So here's to taking opportunities as they come and making an effort to find them as well as preparing myself for when they do arise.
When I think back, I got a chance to go to Disney World when I was 14 because I was in band. I went to every football game, got a chance to meet new people, see new places, compete against my peers across my district, area, and sometimes state. Through out high school, I traveled to Washington, D.C, Houston, San Antonio, all around the Metroplex and beyond it because I was involved in extracurricular activities and academic competitions.
What really got me thinking back was the fact that when I was in high school, I was given the opportunity to do all these things - and I took them. It made me realize that when we are younger, going through grade school and even somewhat in college, opportunities are being thrown at us left and right, we just had to take them. I miss it - being given opportunities as if we all deserved them, and yet still refusing to take them, lol.
Flash forward to the present, and I find that opportunities are very far and few in-between. No one takes a second glance at you and just offers you a job, or a home, or free schooling, or more importantly, offers to be an acquaintance, a friend, or even a significant other - you have to make every effort to find these opportunities that exist, and I do believe they exist, but you have to find them and take them because they are never given.
So here's to taking opportunities as they come and making an effort to find them as well as preparing myself for when they do arise.
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