Courage

Mark Twain said that "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear." I've always felt I had some. Maybe not in surplus, or a large abundance, but an adequate amount - enough to get me by. It's hard to be brave all the time. It's hard to show courage in the face of anything and everything. Sometimes...fear just gets the best of us.

Fear doesn't have to be debilitating or insurmountable, but often times it is just below the surface waiting for a chance to creep up on you. For me at least, there is always a small reminder of it in the back of my mind. Most of the time, it doesn't take any sort of conscious effort, bravery or courage to invisibly carry it around inside. My everyday life, family, and friends help me cope with it and move forward. But sometimes, it *does* creep up on me, and *sometimes*, it does cause me pain and sadness, but I think that's just the way of it - I think if there was a way to permanently remove fear from our lives...we'd be different. I think fear is an inherent human emotion that is part of what makes us...us - and without it, we'd be incomplete.

I say that, and yet I'm scared, and I don't wish to be. I wish it'd just go away, but I try to find the courage to hold it at bay and hold myself together - it isn't always easy, and at times, I can't. I used to think that "Courage" was putting on a brave face and showing others that everything is fine, to not worry and smile and laugh, all the while shaking and trembling deep inside...but courage is definitely not that. I need to gather myself, not only to be okay in the face of others, but to be okay within myself, to come to terms with my fears and my worries and realize that as afraid and uneasy as I may be, I need to be able to make peace with them...that's the Courage I am looking for, and that's the Courage I'm hoping to find.