Apologies

I've never been one for apologies, but please let me explain myself...when I say "apologies", I mean apologies that are coaxed, forced, or otherwise disingenuous. For all intents and purposes, I am not even angry when I hear them, but skip past anger and go straight to disappointment and wonder.

I wonder to myself how anyone could believe that an apology would be accepted AFTER everyone found out the details of an event. Oh, so you are sorry that you got drunk, got pulled over, and were 3x over the legal limit? Would you have been sorry if you didn't get caught? Would you have been sorry if you luckily got home safely and no one had been the wiser? I doubt it.

I understand that sometimes when we say something or do something it can be construed in a way we didn't intend, or affect people we didn't realize it'd affect, and sometimes I'm sorry for the misunderstanding or unintended consequences, but it's been a long time since I've consciously though through the words I'd say or actions I'd perform and been sorry for it afterward.

I'm a big believer in accountability. I'm a big believer in learning, each and every day, and when you combine the two, I'm a big believer in knowing right from wrong, especially as you get older and presumably wiser. So why is it that the older we get, the more apologies we issue and hear, as if we aren't in control of our own words or actions, and that someone else could possibly have been responsible for them instead of ourselves?

Bottom line is: If you aren't sorry the moment you do it or say it, or even better, you choose not to do it because you know you'd be sorry afterward, then you aren't sorry at all.